Monica recently told a new coworker that she's the mother of four children. The woman, with her "family size expert" card proudly on display declared "Wow! So, you've decided your done, right?" Well, now that YOU mentioned it I suppose I probably should be done. I mean, the fact that you've known me for all of 83 minutes and can apply your extensive life experience to mine means you have every right to make pontificating statements on my behalf. Thank you!
I can remember on different occasions how some of my own coworkers, upon hearing that we were expecting our third or fourth child, exclaimed with great giddiness, winking, and sly nods "You really ought to look into how these things happen, Chris!" Shoot...I'm glad you pointed that out because this whole time I was always anxious that the stork was just going to show up at my house again with a little bundle that I would have to accept whether I wanted to or not. Whew, glad that I now know I actually have a hand in this whole process!
I tell you, it's a relief to know that I have so many people willing to give of their wisdom on behalf of my family choices. I also appreciate the fact that so many people stare me down in stores and mention, "You must be Catholic!" It's just good to know that they're sympathetic to the fact that I'm a "good Catholic" and that the Church wants me to blindly bring as many babies into the world as possible. Right?
Imagine if I went around asking people that have two kids whether they've decided to up their count to 5 anytime soon? You know, just randomly state at the grocery line something like "Hey there! That's a cute couple of kids you have. When are you going to get on the stick and have a few more?" What about asking the 30-something childless couple whether they planned to turn in their Audi TT for a Dodge Caravan and fill that puppy up? That would go over well. Inappropriate and quite judgmental, right? Fact is, I actually have no stake in how many kids you have, and wouldn't make you think it. So why do people feel uninhibited enough to randomly assume and assert we're gonna cut things off at four?The truth is, we do want a big family. Not simply because we're Catholic, but for a number of reasons: 1) We both come from big families and recognize the joy that having lots of built-in playmates and lifelong friends brings. 2) We have been incredibly blessed, even through adversity, and desire to spread that joy and blessings to our descendants. 3) Family memberships to the zoo cost less per person when spread across 12 people. 4) Child tax credits are awesome, especially when multiplied by 10. The joking aside though, we WANT more kids!
I do find the whole "good Catholic" part amusing. I think people look at big Catholic families and assume we've sworn some double-secret uber-oath to the Holy Father that we will be very fruitful and multiply the church's ranks, or something. It might come as a shock to some readers to hear that I've never once heard "family size as a measure of virtue" preached from any pulpit I've ever tuned in to; or, that there are big families in denominations other than Catholic who value the big family life! Having a big family isn't about building a portfolio for the big Guy, or trying to be holier through suffering life out. A "good Catholic family" may have 10 kids or they might have 0 kids. Some even have three! We respect parents of any number of kids...being a parent is rewarding but it's also challenging and difficult! No matter the size, it's important to respect the work that all parents do. What matters most is that family size reflect God's will as you seek Him on earth. For us, that will hopefully mean a few more kids before it's all said and done and before I learn better. And, maybe somewhere along the way, someone in some grocery line or health department desk will look and ask "So, do you have any plans for more?"
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