Dad stuff

My friend Mary over at LetLoveBeSincere suggested that I write more about the Catholic father/husband perspective. That's a really challenging task, because there are a lot of aspects of fatherhood to be covered. There are dad blogs out there but not near as many as mom blogs, and perhaps it's because men think they don't have a lot of things to share. But that's wrong. We do have things to share...we're just busy doing lots of those things. Case in point: as I'm typing this, literally the words you're reading now, my beautiful almost-three-year-old walks to the front door, smiles her precious smile, and holds up a little bottle saying "they're bubbles daddy!"...and proceeds to spill most of the bubble mix on the entry tile.

Isn't that what being a daddy is? Doing things with and for our kids because we love them and they need us? Cleaning up the bubble spills, mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, laundry cleaning and folding, changing the diapers, or vacuuming floors keep us busy whether we have one child or ten...deep down it's not about cleaning up the seemingly endless stream of toys the kids seem to poop out on their way through every room, it's about knowing they're engaged and feeling loved...taking "Dad time" to read a story, play Legos, or (most importantly) talking with them about Jesus and His love for us. These things are (or should be) more important than presiding over cleanup. (>pause< previously mentioned almost-three-year-old is shouting "Daddy! I go'd poopoo on the pot!".....OK I'm back)

As dads we can get distracted by the daily stuff. The aforementioned tasks can be time-consuming and endless. Plus, the little irritations we face can keep us distracted from what's truly important. I know I'm not going to go broke because the kids leave every basement light on or the doors open for me to find when I get home from work, but I wish they'd turn off the lights and close the doors to preserve the electric bill and a bug-free home! But you know what? If I have to choose between turning the lights off and the alternative of not enjoying my little energy-users, I'll choose enjoying the kiddos every time. Being a father teaches us that showing our children love is more important than worrying about the messes, the open doors, the house lit up like a moon beacon. Wanting our children to understand that respecting their things is a worthwhile effort, but first and foremost we want them to know that by showing love to them and to each other, we're reflecting God. And we set the tone.

I want to believe...(that I can take time to write)

When Monica and I started watching X-Files on Netflix from Season 1 episode 1, I wanted to believe. Halfway thru season 2 (like, 6 months later) our motivation to continue was deflated by the real life challenges of being awesomely married and parenting many littles. So goes the life of being an adult, thinking we can do some things we can't or shouldn't or don't have the time to do, while making responsible choices to prioritize doing the things we must do, are beneficial to our family, etc. Which brings me to this blog.

I've gone through a number of writing spurts lasting months to years, always eventually fading away as life priorities change. I did some of my best writing while in nursing school, allowing the catharsis of blogging to take my mind off the mental beating that accelerated learning was handing me. I've blogged sparsely since then, probably due to the fact that as challenging as nursing school is, we've owned two homes since then, added kiddos #5 and #6 (# 7 due early next year!), and am working full time while being a part-time grad student. Nonetheless, I miss writing and have so much I'd like to write about that I just need to sit down and do it. I want to believe that I can take time to write. I'm going to try. And I want your help!

If you've read my various writings, seen my Facebook comments, or had a conversation with me over the years and you'd like me to write more about that topic (or want my thoughts on something entirely random!), would you take a moment to drop me a message, comment, or other communication letting me know? This year has given me plenty to think and write about, but half the fun of blogging is knowing that an audience finds relevance in the words. So...I want you to believe, and help me get back into the joy that writing has always been for me. And check back soon...the blog is getting a facelift shortly.

How to Build a Bathroom, Part II

In my last post I walked you through my bathroom project up to the point of installing the cement board for subfloor and shower backer. So we will start from there today! I want to mention that out of this entire project, this is where I got one step "wrong" and couldn't reverse it. I'll get to that shortly. For now, on to backerboards.

When applying tile to the floor and the shower walls, your substrait will not be the same for both. On the floor, you want to use OSB or plywood under the cement board to hold the weight of people walking on the floor. On the shower walls, you only need cement board as it is strong enough to hold the tile, plus you run the risk of walls swelling and tiles cracking if you have a wood product behind cement board. Wood will absorb water and swell, cement board will absorb water and remain the same size. I chose OSB as my floor substrait, and Hardiebacker cement board from Lowes. I used coarse-thread screws to attach my OSB to the floor joists, spaced 12-16 inches apart. At this step, you want to do one of two things to adhere the Hardiebacker to the OSB on the floor: either mix some of your thinset mortar that you will use for the tile and spread a thin layer over the OSB, or apply a healthy dose of construction adhesive between the two layers. I chose the second option, using Liquid Nails brand adhesive before screwing the Hardiebacker to the OSB. This is important because you want your floor substrait to be one single unit. As your house shifts over time, you want each surface to move independently and if your OSB and cement board are not firmly adhered you can get cracks in your tile down the road. Once you glue or cement those two layers together, run screws through the Hardiebacker and into the OSB, using the specialized cement board screws that are coated and threaded for this use. Also, make sure you leave an 1/8" space between your Hardiebacker pieces. More on that next.

Here you see my two oldest getting in on the Hardiebacker action. You also see the plastic sheeting I applied as a vapor barrier between the studs and the Hardiebacker. One important note is that you want to off-set your seams on adjacent walls. My walls were easy as the cement boards are typically 5'x3', and since that's the base dimension of my tile surround I ran the side pieces vertically and the back pieces horizontally. The seams naturally were off-set. Now, here is the "wrong" step I mentioned earlier. I made the mistake of placing my Hardiebacker first, then dropping in my shower base. I was so excited at how perfectly the base fit. I'm not kidding, I had less than 1/8" clearance for it to slide into place. However, what I was supposed to do was place the shower base and drop the Hardiebacker over the flange of the shower base. This ensures that if any water gets behind the tile it will run down the cement board to the shower. By the time I realized this I couldn't go back, because I had already completed the next step:

You can see in this picture the shower base with the flanges inside the Hardiebacker. You can also see the seams have a thin layer of mortar over them, thus my inability to reverse any steps. Anyway, the seams on floor and walls need to have a layer of thinset to connect your board, similar to the concept of midding wallboard. Just as with the Hardiebacker and the OSB, you want all walls/floors to behave as a single unit. Before apply thinset over the seam, make sure you apply an alkali-resistant mesh tape to reinforce the bond and prevent cracking. The 1/8" gap between boards that I mentioned before allows the cement to fully adhere your seams. Some experts recommend using the mortar in your corners, and a few recommend using silicone caulk. I used caulking, as it allows some give between your walls which I believe reduces the risk of tiles cracking down the road. Once your Hardiebacker is on, your seams are mortared, and your corners are caulked, you are ready to tile.

This was my first attempt at real tiling. Since I hadn't tiled and wasn't sure what to expect, I started with my floor since there was no danger of the tiles falling off the walls! I purchased dry cement mix because I heard it has better long-term results, and it's 1/3 the cost. I recommend mixing only enough to do small areas at a time on your first attempt, or you will end up with a lot of dry cement. We used 12" tiles and 1/4" spacers on floor and walls. to achieve our desired look. For a detailed look at how to tile, I recommend using YouTube as a resource, as I did! Lots of good material out there. If you want another how-to, maybe I'll tackle tile in more detail later. For now, we move to the shower surround.

The most difficult part of a tile shower surround is getting the tiles level and plumb. After doing my research, I settled on the method of tracing a level line from left to right at the top of where my first row of tiles would be. Since I didn't have the Hardiebacker over the shower flange, I had the added challenge of the bottom tile having a slight inward angle. The shower base is also made to angle to the drain, so don't trust anything other than a long level and drawn or chalked lines to guide your tile placement. I started by adhering my first row of tiles and allowing them to set. After they were set for an hour or two, I ran a vertical column of tiles, following a plumb line I traced for guidance. With your perfectly level bottom row and a plumb column for reference, you will find that you simply start troweling in areas of mortar and following your spacers up the wall.

We placed a double row of 1" accent tiles above the fifth row. I tiled up to this point with the 12"tiles, applied the accent tiles, then continued up the wall from there. If you find that your spacers are too small or too large for a particular space, remember that tiles may be slightly larger or slightly smaller than average, and use shims or other spacers to make up for the difference. The key is that your grout lines are straight from bottom to top.

Notice that the tile runs to the ceiling? I wanted to avoid drywall above the tile so I simply ran tile to the ceiling, applying my ceiling drywall before tiling the walls. I really like this look, it makes the shower look bigger and allowed me to place my shower head higher on the wall.

I'll wrap up this project in Part III!

How to Build a Bathroom, Part I

I have been wanting to do a "how-to" post now for some time. The occasion of building an entire bathroom from scratch provided the opportunity. As background for why I did this project, our home had one full bath and a "half bath" when we bought the place. The half bath consisted of a white room with unfinished walls, bare pipes in the walls and concrete floor. I attempted to get the bathroom in working order by installing a toilet on the existing plumbing, but after several backups I abandoned use entirely and the room became more of a catch-all for baskets of stuff when we hosted friends and needed a quick stash for stuff. Several months ago, during a visit to my family in Indiana, I talked with my dad a lot about options for making the bathroom workable. At that time we were intending a major kitchen overhaul, but through conversations and his encouragement, I decided to undertake the quick (HA!) project of getting the bathroom usable. So, we traveled home a couple days later and while Monica was at a First Communion retreat with our son, I tore apart the walls of the bathroom. The biggest advantage of this project is that the bathroom sits in a corner of our garage. This allowed easy access to 2 sides of the bathroom which were torn down, as well as the ability to expand several feet into the garage. For those of you with space-locked bathrooms, you are much less likely to expand the geographic footprint of your bathroom, but the renovation ideas will still apply. Here is the first photo I took. My only regret is that I didn't take an internal photo before knocking down the walls.

This was quite literally the easiest part of the project, the tearing down. I elected not to rent a dumpster, I recommend that for significant deconstruction that you do rent at least a small roll-off. My trash barrel was full to overflowing for weeks and I'm sure the neighbors were unhappy with my driveway's collection of drywall and concrete for a month or more.
At this point in the project my dad, youngest brother, and 90 year old grandfather (still active in mind and body!) came out to help with the progress. What a help they were, getting me through the major plumbing and floor joist construction. My brother literally knocked out most of the existing concrete while Dad and I were getting supplies.

Once the original concrete floor was completed we cut off and pulled the old pipe through to the basement.

Removing the cast iron pipe was NOT easy, we had to do some significant hammering with a 10lb sledge after using a carbide blade to cut the old pipe.

We ran the new PVC pipe from basement to bathroom. Old and new pipes were all 4", so it was simply a matter of tapping the PVC pipe through the original tunnel.

We cut the copper supply lines and converted them to pex with in-line shutoff valves. We have hot water heat, and the register had to be cut out and moved from the outside wall to the inside wall, as the room dimensions changed from 4'x4' to 5'x8' and the pipes would have ended up roughly under the sink. Soldering pipes is not difficult if you know the proper technique. Won't go into that today but if requested can do a how-to at another time.

We actually assembled the joist frame in the driveway and carried it into the garage mostly assembled. I used drywall screws instead of nails for 99% of this project. I prefer using screws as I can drill through-holes and make sure my lumber is exactly spaced. Screws are more expensive but are more forgiving if you need to do any "do-overs" on a particular step.

After getting the plumbing in and setting the floor joists, I cut my OSB subfloor and dry-fit it. I then set my shower base, toilet, and sink vanity base into place to get my spacing. I traced the outline of the toilet and sink base on the subfloor for reference. You can't actually see my traced outlines in this picture as I used an orange sharpie. What you are seeing are the pre-supplied lines, 16" on center, which is the spacing I used for all framing.

Once my rough spacing was complete I cut my plumbing access holes in the substrait. The PVC pipe you see going up to the attic is the vent pipe which gets reconnected to the copper pipe running through the roof. DO NOT forget this piece when doing plumbing. Vent pipes serve to exhaust sewer gas and prevent a vacuum in your pipes which can lead to water backup.

The next step was to place my wall studs. Since I was building around existing framing, I set a top plate against the garage ceiling joists, making sure that it was plumb with my bottom sill and ensuring that my joists were plumb. As I mentioned previously, my framing is all 16" on center. This is typical for construction but 24" is also used. I prefer using more studs than less even on non-loadbearing walls, as I have less fear of drywall bowing. For my corners I used scrap 2x4's to create my connection points for drywall and cement boards.

And, this is where I leave you for now. Next up you will see the process of setting cement boards for floor and shower tile. See you again soon!

Lent

I'm an extrovert. I'm a "people person". I am energized by interacting with others and learning about people, what makes them tick, etc. So, I have enjoyed Facebook since I joined 7ish years ago. I have always resisted the "Facebook Fast" during Lent, as I tell myself that I don't need it, it's cliche, and that the whole ordeal becomes a spectacle online as 1/3 of my friends are gone during the end of the winter freeze. However, this year I need some time to step back. I want to make sure that my interaction with friends is personal and genuine during these 40 days, so I'm going to focus on making personal contacts via calls and emails. I'll stay on Facebook messenger since I have more contacts on there than my personal email account, and I'll try to hop on the blog here once or twice a week as time allows. Calls and texts are always welcome, so feel free to contact me to catch up via any of the aforementioned communication vehicles. As of midnight tonight, I'm off the newsfeed and building more personal communications. See you at Easter!

Man or Muppet?

In one of my favorite family movies of recent times, The Muppets, two of the main characters sing themselves the question "am I a Man or a Muppet?" The song is hilariously poignant in the movie's setting, illustrating each man's search for his true identity. While in this setting the decision to be a Muppet is a charmingly positive choice for the younger brother, who has really been one all along, the phrase "am I a Man or a Muppet?" struck me recently as a metaphor for the way those of faith can be seen by those around us.


On one hand, we have the choice of being a Man (or woman of course, but there's no Wuppet alternative if you get my meaning) of faith. An individual who is seen by those around them as strong, steadfast in belief, kind to those they disagree with, compassionate to all, but admittedly fallen in nature and seeking forgiveness and redemption.

On the other hand, we can be a Muppet. Always light-hearted and humorous, but ultimately puppets lacking full individuality and depth. We can choose to be a Muppet-ized Christian; a caricature; more of a comedic reflection of the quaint points of Christianity that society can poke fun at but that no one really takes seriously. Muppets talk about the light points of life but never delve below the surface to ask "why?" on issues of importance. This Muppetized view of Christianity is held by many, embraced by many for themselves, and really serves to anesthetize Christianity of all its power and truth.

You see, to be a Man of Christianity, one has to be willing to say things that are contrary and that others don't want to hear. We have to be willing to be unpopular. Muppets of Christianity go along to get along, unwilling to cause a thoughtful frown of introspection for fear of losing that feel-good label. Imagine a Muppet talking about the danger of sexual sin (you know what I'm talking about, the stuff that "I wouldn't do, but I'm totally ok with them doing it"), corporate corruption or fraud, or the danger of a society that devalues human life and puts their own feelings ahead of the will of God? Nope, it takes men with conviction, charity and compassionate desire for the good of each person to say that. Instead, Muppets talk about the issues that no one really argues, because they are one-dimensional and easy to see through. Men have depth, seeking truth and being willing to talk about it even in the face of being ridiculed or trivialized.

The greatest Christians in history said and did things that were very unpopular. Pope Paul IV wrote Humanae Vitae and almost caused schism by those that thought the Catholic Church should embrace artificial contraception. Abraham Lincoln almost lost half the country by condemning slavery. Thomas More stood up to the king and was killed for it. John Paul II and Ronald Raegan tag-teamed communist Russia and the Berlin wall ultimately fell. In today's world of rampant immorality and scorn for Christian values, are you willing to be unpopular and stand for truth in the face of great lies? Are you willing to be that Man that many may scorn but many more will respect?

Or are you simply a Muppet?

Back again

Hello Friends!

After more than a year off and multiple requests to return to blogging, I figured that it was about time to share some more of my thoughts here. As many of you know, I graduated last May with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing, obtained my RN in July, and currently work at Mercy Medical Center here in Canton, in the ICU. I love my job, and it stretches my in ways I would never have imagined. As the name of my blog suggests, the redirection of my career to nursing has definitely been a reinvention.

I am going to refrain from talking in-depth about all the goings-on of the 14 months since my last post, but if you'd like some additional snippets of that time please visit Life Without a Map for Monica's musings. In the meantime, here are a few highlights:

We spent a week in St. Augustine, FL, with great friends last June.
In July I passed boards and received my RN, and stood as best man for my brother at his wedding.
Started at Mercy's ICU in August.
Celebrated with Monica's sister at her September wedding.
Bought our new home in October!
Traveled to Washington, DC and Chicago for two different conferences as a committee member of the New Careers in Nursing Scholars' Network.
Tore my ACL the week before Christmas (while warming up for a basketball game).
Waiting for Fogarty child #5, due in February.

2013 was a great year! A few thoughts...

Tearing my ACL made me realize how much I take for granted my ability to be active. I will be having reconstructive surgery in mid-February, just before our baby is due. It's stressful thinking of the time crunch that this will present, but a combination of limited time off and surgery availability requires that we take that time. God is in control!

RN work is hard. No other way about it. Every nurse faces challenges in their respective departments, and the ICU is especially challenging. I have learned more in 5 months than I could possibly have imagined, and I know I will continue learning until the day I hang up my stethoscope and retire. There is never a day without stress, and that is natural part of taking care of people and holding their life in my hands with each medication push, drip change, vital analysis, assessment change, etc. Some days I walk away from my shift smiling, other days I can hardly wait to get to sleep just to forget the stress of the previous night. I try to visit our chapel before each shift because I know that I can't do this alone, and I still hold to my belief that Christ called me to this profession to act as His vessel in a the work of caring for others.

Our new home is fantastic. We have been truly blessed by a home that meets our needs. We got a fantastic deal on a home that needed lots of updates but has a full and dry basement and a large, tree-lined yard. We were blessed immediately after closing with a flood of help from family and friends, and within two weeks we had stripped the whole house of wallpaper, painted all the rooms, tore up carpet, and had new carpet laid just in time for move-in. We have dabbled with little projects here and there since then, but have spent most of our time enjoying our new life in the very Northeast corner of Canton. We are close to our parish and many of our friends, and it's a short 15-minute drive to work. God truly blessed us with this home.

I have much more to talk about and share, but I'll use that as motivation to return here soon. In the meantime, here is an excerpt from today's mass readings and a couple short thoughts:

"You belong to God, children, and you have conquered them, for the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They belong to the world; accordingly, their teaching belongs to the world, and the world listens to them. We belong to God, and anyone who knows God listens to us, while anyone who does not belong to God refuses to hear us. This is how we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of deceit." 1 John 4:4-6

Take heart today with the knowledge that if you strive to follow Christ, seek his ways, and love others as Christ loves the world, we have no need to fear the forces of the world. Don't allow frustration to take over when those you meet deny Christ. Continue to reflect truth!