Is the pope Catholic?

When someone asks me whether I'd like to use more clickbait post titles, my answer is of course, "Is the pope Catholic?" I'll let you chew on that while I move on the actual content of this post.

This is just a quick post reflecting on the challenges of eating healthy as a dad. While I have actually been relatively disciplined about getting out and running (I'm training for a 1/2 marathon in April), my weight continues to inch back up as I very undisciplined-ly eat whatever. For a synopsis of the overall fluctuation of my healthy or unhealthy habits, click here. The challenge I face on a daily basis is whether to say yes or no to those delicious gluten-free peanut butter cookies (they're gluten free, NOT fat free!), or whether to eat just another serving of mashed potatoes or that candy bar in the community stash at work. I'm a nurse, I know how food works, and I continue to say yes to the crappy food that offers empty promises of satisfaction and equally empty but belly-enlarging calories. The challenge is not really food, it's self discipline.

I had the privilege of speaking to a gathering of Catholic young adults this summer on the topic of "Health and Spirituality". I quoted a longtime friend who told me long ago, when I asked him how he managed to stay to fit in the midst of young fatherhood, “I look at my diet and other health choices as supporting God’s plan for my life”. This comment really stuck with me. If I eat like Michael Phelps but exercise like my 92-year-old grandpa, while expecting to be fully engaged in God's plan for my 7th-child-on-the-way home, I'm missing something, and it will show...not just physically but also spiritually.

I think that in many ways our habits in areas like exercise and eating are a way to gain insight into our spiritual life. Don't take this as doctrine, as it's just my opinion, but I notice in my own life that when I'm not disciplined in prayer, kindness, charity, humility, etc...I'm not disciplined in most areas. I eat the extra cookie, my portions are huge, I don't exercise. I'm undisciplined. If you ever hear someone say "I don't have time to exercise or eat right with all the things I do for my kids", that's just an excuse. After all, it takes no time to reduce your portion. It takes no time to say no to that Milky Way you're craving. And those little self-denials will in turn help us more easily say "yes" to good and healthy habits. Discipline.

Advent is a good time to reflect on our discipline (anyone hear a discipleship post brewing?). As someone commented on the post I linked to earlier, "Every time you give up on eating an ice cream or other goody, give the money to charity instead." Good advice. Let's make our self-denial a sacrificial offering in prayer or almsgiving to someone in need. And we'll all be better, and fitter, for it.

Happy Advent!

How to be a nice human being.

I had to stop by the dollar store on my way home from work yesterday to pick up some butterfly strips, as my oldest daughter cut her leg on some glass and needed something beyond regular band-aids. (Her leg is fine, by the way.) Anyhow, I'm waiting in line behind three or four other customers and I noticed a People magazine with the headline "President Trump". It got me thinking about how divided we seem to be as a country right now. So much name calling, so much fear, so much talk about race and politics and...man I'm just tired of it all.

So there I am, standing in line, thinking these thoughts while I'm waiting to pay for my $1 butterfly strips. I look behind me and this young black man walks up and gets in line behind me. He's about my age, wearing jeans and a hoodie, and carrying a few household items including children's gloves and glazed frosted animal crackers. Figuring he must have kids and being the extrovert that I am, I struck up a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Hey how's it going?
Him: I'm good, you?
Me: I'm doing well, just getting off work. (pause) So do you have kids, or just a fan of animal crackers?
Him: (smiles) Yeah I've got five kids.
Me: (gets excited) No way! We are expecting our seventh!
Him: (reaches out and fist bumps) Man, that's the way you do it!
Me: Yeah, we love big families.
Him: Lots going on.
Me: Right? Families are busy! So are you from around here?
Him: Yep, Canton born and raised.
Me: My wife's from Canton and I grew up on the other side of the state.
Him: OK. You live near here?
Me: Yeah, just up the road in Plain.
Him: Gotcha, cool.
Me: Well listen, nice talking with you. Have a good night, enjoy those kids.
Him: You too man, good night. (another fist bump)

About this time I'm realizing that all those thoughts about division and race and politics and hate are, well, only as true insofar as we let them be. I know nothing about that man's beliefs and he knows nothing about mine. Sure, we could assume. We could project. We could avoid. But I choose not to. I choose to give the benefit of the doubt. I choose to engage. I choose to be a nice human being. Hopefully you will too, and we will start to get back to the things that bind us, rather than divide us.

Dad stuff

My friend Mary over at LetLoveBeSincere suggested that I write more about the Catholic father/husband perspective. That's a really challenging task, because there are a lot of aspects of fatherhood to be covered. There are dad blogs out there but not near as many as mom blogs, and perhaps it's because men think they don't have a lot of things to share. But that's wrong. We do have things to share...we're just busy doing lots of those things. Case in point: as I'm typing this, literally the words you're reading now, my beautiful almost-three-year-old walks to the front door, smiles her precious smile, and holds up a little bottle saying "they're bubbles daddy!"...and proceeds to spill most of the bubble mix on the entry tile.

Isn't that what being a daddy is? Doing things with and for our kids because we love them and they need us? Cleaning up the bubble spills, mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, laundry cleaning and folding, changing the diapers, or vacuuming floors keep us busy whether we have one child or ten...deep down it's not about cleaning up the seemingly endless stream of toys the kids seem to poop out on their way through every room, it's about knowing they're engaged and feeling loved...taking "Dad time" to read a story, play Legos, or (most importantly) talking with them about Jesus and His love for us. These things are (or should be) more important than presiding over cleanup. (>pause< previously mentioned almost-three-year-old is shouting "Daddy! I go'd poopoo on the pot!".....OK I'm back)

As dads we can get distracted by the daily stuff. The aforementioned tasks can be time-consuming and endless. Plus, the little irritations we face can keep us distracted from what's truly important. I know I'm not going to go broke because the kids leave every basement light on or the doors open for me to find when I get home from work, but I wish they'd turn off the lights and close the doors to preserve the electric bill and a bug-free home! But you know what? If I have to choose between turning the lights off and the alternative of not enjoying my little energy-users, I'll choose enjoying the kiddos every time. Being a father teaches us that showing our children love is more important than worrying about the messes, the open doors, the house lit up like a moon beacon. Wanting our children to understand that respecting their things is a worthwhile effort, but first and foremost we want them to know that by showing love to them and to each other, we're reflecting God. And we set the tone.

I want to believe...(that I can take time to write)

When Monica and I started watching X-Files on Netflix from Season 1 episode 1, I wanted to believe. Halfway thru season 2 (like, 6 months later) our motivation to continue was deflated by the real life challenges of being awesomely married and parenting many littles. So goes the life of being an adult, thinking we can do some things we can't or shouldn't or don't have the time to do, while making responsible choices to prioritize doing the things we must do, are beneficial to our family, etc. Which brings me to this blog.

I've gone through a number of writing spurts lasting months to years, always eventually fading away as life priorities change. I did some of my best writing while in nursing school, allowing the catharsis of blogging to take my mind off the mental beating that accelerated learning was handing me. I've blogged sparsely since then, probably due to the fact that as challenging as nursing school is, we've owned two homes since then, added kiddos #5 and #6 (# 7 due early next year!), and am working full time while being a part-time grad student. Nonetheless, I miss writing and have so much I'd like to write about that I just need to sit down and do it. I want to believe that I can take time to write. I'm going to try. And I want your help!

If you've read my various writings, seen my Facebook comments, or had a conversation with me over the years and you'd like me to write more about that topic (or want my thoughts on something entirely random!), would you take a moment to drop me a message, comment, or other communication letting me know? This year has given me plenty to think and write about, but half the fun of blogging is knowing that an audience finds relevance in the words. So...I want you to believe, and help me get back into the joy that writing has always been for me. And check back soon...the blog is getting a facelift shortly.

How to Build a Bathroom, Part II

In my last post I walked you through my bathroom project up to the point of installing the cement board for subfloor and shower backer. So we will start from there today! I want to mention that out of this entire project, this is where I got one step "wrong" and couldn't reverse it. I'll get to that shortly. For now, on to backerboards.

When applying tile to the floor and the shower walls, your substrait will not be the same for both. On the floor, you want to use OSB or plywood under the cement board to hold the weight of people walking on the floor. On the shower walls, you only need cement board as it is strong enough to hold the tile, plus you run the risk of walls swelling and tiles cracking if you have a wood product behind cement board. Wood will absorb water and swell, cement board will absorb water and remain the same size. I chose OSB as my floor substrait, and Hardiebacker cement board from Lowes. I used coarse-thread screws to attach my OSB to the floor joists, spaced 12-16 inches apart. At this step, you want to do one of two things to adhere the Hardiebacker to the OSB on the floor: either mix some of your thinset mortar that you will use for the tile and spread a thin layer over the OSB, or apply a healthy dose of construction adhesive between the two layers. I chose the second option, using Liquid Nails brand adhesive before screwing the Hardiebacker to the OSB. This is important because you want your floor substrait to be one single unit. As your house shifts over time, you want each surface to move independently and if your OSB and cement board are not firmly adhered you can get cracks in your tile down the road. Once you glue or cement those two layers together, run screws through the Hardiebacker and into the OSB, using the specialized cement board screws that are coated and threaded for this use. Also, make sure you leave an 1/8" space between your Hardiebacker pieces. More on that next.

Here you see my two oldest getting in on the Hardiebacker action. You also see the plastic sheeting I applied as a vapor barrier between the studs and the Hardiebacker. One important note is that you want to off-set your seams on adjacent walls. My walls were easy as the cement boards are typically 5'x3', and since that's the base dimension of my tile surround I ran the side pieces vertically and the back pieces horizontally. The seams naturally were off-set. Now, here is the "wrong" step I mentioned earlier. I made the mistake of placing my Hardiebacker first, then dropping in my shower base. I was so excited at how perfectly the base fit. I'm not kidding, I had less than 1/8" clearance for it to slide into place. However, what I was supposed to do was place the shower base and drop the Hardiebacker over the flange of the shower base. This ensures that if any water gets behind the tile it will run down the cement board to the shower. By the time I realized this I couldn't go back, because I had already completed the next step:

You can see in this picture the shower base with the flanges inside the Hardiebacker. You can also see the seams have a thin layer of mortar over them, thus my inability to reverse any steps. Anyway, the seams on floor and walls need to have a layer of thinset to connect your board, similar to the concept of midding wallboard. Just as with the Hardiebacker and the OSB, you want all walls/floors to behave as a single unit. Before apply thinset over the seam, make sure you apply an alkali-resistant mesh tape to reinforce the bond and prevent cracking. The 1/8" gap between boards that I mentioned before allows the cement to fully adhere your seams. Some experts recommend using the mortar in your corners, and a few recommend using silicone caulk. I used caulking, as it allows some give between your walls which I believe reduces the risk of tiles cracking down the road. Once your Hardiebacker is on, your seams are mortared, and your corners are caulked, you are ready to tile.

This was my first attempt at real tiling. Since I hadn't tiled and wasn't sure what to expect, I started with my floor since there was no danger of the tiles falling off the walls! I purchased dry cement mix because I heard it has better long-term results, and it's 1/3 the cost. I recommend mixing only enough to do small areas at a time on your first attempt, or you will end up with a lot of dry cement. We used 12" tiles and 1/4" spacers on floor and walls. to achieve our desired look. For a detailed look at how to tile, I recommend using YouTube as a resource, as I did! Lots of good material out there. If you want another how-to, maybe I'll tackle tile in more detail later. For now, we move to the shower surround.

The most difficult part of a tile shower surround is getting the tiles level and plumb. After doing my research, I settled on the method of tracing a level line from left to right at the top of where my first row of tiles would be. Since I didn't have the Hardiebacker over the shower flange, I had the added challenge of the bottom tile having a slight inward angle. The shower base is also made to angle to the drain, so don't trust anything other than a long level and drawn or chalked lines to guide your tile placement. I started by adhering my first row of tiles and allowing them to set. After they were set for an hour or two, I ran a vertical column of tiles, following a plumb line I traced for guidance. With your perfectly level bottom row and a plumb column for reference, you will find that you simply start troweling in areas of mortar and following your spacers up the wall.

We placed a double row of 1" accent tiles above the fifth row. I tiled up to this point with the 12"tiles, applied the accent tiles, then continued up the wall from there. If you find that your spacers are too small or too large for a particular space, remember that tiles may be slightly larger or slightly smaller than average, and use shims or other spacers to make up for the difference. The key is that your grout lines are straight from bottom to top.

Notice that the tile runs to the ceiling? I wanted to avoid drywall above the tile so I simply ran tile to the ceiling, applying my ceiling drywall before tiling the walls. I really like this look, it makes the shower look bigger and allowed me to place my shower head higher on the wall.

I'll wrap up this project in Part III!

How to Build a Bathroom, Part I

I have been wanting to do a "how-to" post now for some time. The occasion of building an entire bathroom from scratch provided the opportunity. As background for why I did this project, our home had one full bath and a "half bath" when we bought the place. The half bath consisted of a white room with unfinished walls, bare pipes in the walls and concrete floor. I attempted to get the bathroom in working order by installing a toilet on the existing plumbing, but after several backups I abandoned use entirely and the room became more of a catch-all for baskets of stuff when we hosted friends and needed a quick stash for stuff. Several months ago, during a visit to my family in Indiana, I talked with my dad a lot about options for making the bathroom workable. At that time we were intending a major kitchen overhaul, but through conversations and his encouragement, I decided to undertake the quick (HA!) project of getting the bathroom usable. So, we traveled home a couple days later and while Monica was at a First Communion retreat with our son, I tore apart the walls of the bathroom. The biggest advantage of this project is that the bathroom sits in a corner of our garage. This allowed easy access to 2 sides of the bathroom which were torn down, as well as the ability to expand several feet into the garage. For those of you with space-locked bathrooms, you are much less likely to expand the geographic footprint of your bathroom, but the renovation ideas will still apply. Here is the first photo I took. My only regret is that I didn't take an internal photo before knocking down the walls.

This was quite literally the easiest part of the project, the tearing down. I elected not to rent a dumpster, I recommend that for significant deconstruction that you do rent at least a small roll-off. My trash barrel was full to overflowing for weeks and I'm sure the neighbors were unhappy with my driveway's collection of drywall and concrete for a month or more.
At this point in the project my dad, youngest brother, and 90 year old grandfather (still active in mind and body!) came out to help with the progress. What a help they were, getting me through the major plumbing and floor joist construction. My brother literally knocked out most of the existing concrete while Dad and I were getting supplies.

Once the original concrete floor was completed we cut off and pulled the old pipe through to the basement.

Removing the cast iron pipe was NOT easy, we had to do some significant hammering with a 10lb sledge after using a carbide blade to cut the old pipe.

We ran the new PVC pipe from basement to bathroom. Old and new pipes were all 4", so it was simply a matter of tapping the PVC pipe through the original tunnel.

We cut the copper supply lines and converted them to pex with in-line shutoff valves. We have hot water heat, and the register had to be cut out and moved from the outside wall to the inside wall, as the room dimensions changed from 4'x4' to 5'x8' and the pipes would have ended up roughly under the sink. Soldering pipes is not difficult if you know the proper technique. Won't go into that today but if requested can do a how-to at another time.

We actually assembled the joist frame in the driveway and carried it into the garage mostly assembled. I used drywall screws instead of nails for 99% of this project. I prefer using screws as I can drill through-holes and make sure my lumber is exactly spaced. Screws are more expensive but are more forgiving if you need to do any "do-overs" on a particular step.

After getting the plumbing in and setting the floor joists, I cut my OSB subfloor and dry-fit it. I then set my shower base, toilet, and sink vanity base into place to get my spacing. I traced the outline of the toilet and sink base on the subfloor for reference. You can't actually see my traced outlines in this picture as I used an orange sharpie. What you are seeing are the pre-supplied lines, 16" on center, which is the spacing I used for all framing.

Once my rough spacing was complete I cut my plumbing access holes in the substrait. The PVC pipe you see going up to the attic is the vent pipe which gets reconnected to the copper pipe running through the roof. DO NOT forget this piece when doing plumbing. Vent pipes serve to exhaust sewer gas and prevent a vacuum in your pipes which can lead to water backup.

The next step was to place my wall studs. Since I was building around existing framing, I set a top plate against the garage ceiling joists, making sure that it was plumb with my bottom sill and ensuring that my joists were plumb. As I mentioned previously, my framing is all 16" on center. This is typical for construction but 24" is also used. I prefer using more studs than less even on non-loadbearing walls, as I have less fear of drywall bowing. For my corners I used scrap 2x4's to create my connection points for drywall and cement boards.

And, this is where I leave you for now. Next up you will see the process of setting cement boards for floor and shower tile. See you again soon!

Lent

I'm an extrovert. I'm a "people person". I am energized by interacting with others and learning about people, what makes them tick, etc. So, I have enjoyed Facebook since I joined 7ish years ago. I have always resisted the "Facebook Fast" during Lent, as I tell myself that I don't need it, it's cliche, and that the whole ordeal becomes a spectacle online as 1/3 of my friends are gone during the end of the winter freeze. However, this year I need some time to step back. I want to make sure that my interaction with friends is personal and genuine during these 40 days, so I'm going to focus on making personal contacts via calls and emails. I'll stay on Facebook messenger since I have more contacts on there than my personal email account, and I'll try to hop on the blog here once or twice a week as time allows. Calls and texts are always welcome, so feel free to contact me to catch up via any of the aforementioned communication vehicles. As of midnight tonight, I'm off the newsfeed and building more personal communications. See you at Easter!